


Experience XI

by padawanhilary, Telesilla



Series: Experience [11]
Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, BDSM, Dom/sub, From Sex to Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-02-01
Updated: 2005-02-01
Packaged: 2017-10-05 21:17:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padawanhilary/pseuds/padawanhilary, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Orlando finally gears up his courage and calls Liam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Experience XI

After ending the conversation with Sean, Orlando looks at the phone for a long time. _No matter how you look at it, I was stupid and thoughtless and disobedient._ He thinks about putting the conversation off, waiting until tomorrow or whenever Liam calls next. He thinks about getting another G&amp;T -- or maybe a couple -- before calling Liam, but no. That will just make things worse.

Taking a deep breath, he dials Liam's number.

Liam picks up the phone in his usual half-absent manner, wondering who's calling him at this hour and if it should concern him. "This is Liam."

"Hi," Orlando says, dimly glad that Liam sounds like he's simply in bed reading as he does at night.

"Orlando," Liam murmurs, surprised, and he sits up and sets his script aside and at once remembers what it is Orlando did this evening. "Is...everything alright?"

Just hearing the concern in Liam's voice makes Orlando's stomach clench. "No," he says in a very small voice. "I've been a real idiot."

_No,_ Liam thinks, chest tightening, _don't say that._ "What do you mean, boy?"

"I..." And then words fail Orlando and he bites his lip. "There's no good way to tell you," he blurts out.

Liam swallows. "Then you'd better find a way to do it quickly, boy," he growls, trying to sound threatening, but he knows. Of course he knows; Orlando went for drinks at Jeremy's place, and now there's something Orlando is afraid to say. What else _could_ it be?

Although the growl isn't the sexy thing it is when Liam's got Orlando on his knees, it's still oddly reassuring. "You were right, Sir," he says. "Jeremy's a snake. And I'm ... I'm an idiot, Sir."

Liam closes his eyes. "Orlando," he says quietly, "I think I know what happened. But you're going to tell me anyway, and you're going to do it right now, or there's no point in me staying on this phone."

"You don't know all of it, Sir," Orlando says. "Yes, I was going to let him fuck me," he adds after a long pause. "And then he told me I was nothing better than a whore, stopped in the middle, and kicked me out." There's more to it, of course, but Orlando's not sure how to tell Liam about the doubts Jeremy did his best to plant in Orlando's mind. "It never was about me," he says, unaware of how insulted and hurt he sounds. "It was all about getting back at you."

There's a long moment of silence before Liam can even decide which direction to go in. "You were going to let him fuck you," he says first, thinking raw fact is the best place to begin, "but you didn't?"

"I did, Sir," Orlando says, sounding miserable. "He just ... didn't finish."

_He didn't need you to finish,_ Liam thinks bitterly. He wants to ask, _How did he manage it? Was he his same sophisticated, flattering self? Did he play the old acting mentor?_ But Liam's perfectly aware of Jeremy's MO, and any variances on it in this case are ridiculously moot. He shakes his head, eyes still closed, mouth open even though he can't think of anything to say and Orlando's got nothing but dead air right now. It's possible Liam could have said more, done more, to prevent this. He could have explained that any pretty involvement Jeremy wanted to get into with Orlando would be motivated toward punishing him for being with Liam. But that's all moot, too. Now, all Liam can be is torn between his concern for Orlando and the ache in his own chest.

"I see," he says at length, really nothing more than stalling for time. "Are you alright?"

_Is that all? Just are 'you all right?!'_ Orlando swallows his anger and the hurt and tries to concentrate on the fact that Liam's worried about him. He'd really rather Liam were going off on what an arsehole Jeremy is but really, Liam could just tell Orli that he made his bed and now he can lie in it. _And he didn't say that._

"Not really, Sir," he says.

That _Sir_ goes straight to Liam's chest in a ripple, and he sighs shakily, wanting to tell Orlando not to call him that. "I'm sorry that he did this," he murmurs; it's the best he can do. He's not going to air his own hurt and frustration when he knows good and well what it's like to get tossed aside by someone like Jeremy. "Can I ask you why you...let him...?" _Christ._ Liam can't even finish the sentence.

"Sean asked me that," Orlando says, sighing. "And ... I don't really know. Or at least I'm not really sure about all of it, Sir."

Another stinging blow; of course Orlando would call Sean first, Sean, who is removed from this and has an enviably clear head. "Stop calling me Sir," Liam says quietly, unable to help himself. "We're not in that place right now." He tips his head down, brow furrowed, eyes still closed.

"Yes ... alright," Orlando says. "Can you tell me what place we're in?" And in spite of his determination not to turn this into an argument, he can hear the slightly sharp tone of sarcasm in his voice.

This time the ache spikes to heat in Liam's chest, and he fights it. He doesn't want to argue, either, and this--this is the kind of argument that ends things. Liam feels cheated on--that's new--and they're too far apart. They've been separated too long, and it was _Jeremy.   
**Jeremy**_, for Christ's sake.

"We are in the place," Liam says as carefully as he can, "where you have done something I warned you against and specifically asked you not to do. _I_ am in the place where I have to decide whether I should be concerned about you, or concerned about myself because this might happen again."

"You never told me not to," Orlando says hotly. "If you had flat out said 'don't fuck him...'" His voice trails off and he sighs, not sure what he'd have done.

Liam hesitates, then realizes that no...he didn't. "If that's the distinction you need, then..." He sighs. Fucking hell, this hurts far more than he imagined it would.

"No," Orlando says, sighing. "I need to be honest." He takes another deep breath. "I knew you didn't want me to do it and I did it anyway. Saying that it's okay because you didn't tell me to specifically not to is just me trying to get out of admitting I made a mistake." His chest hurts now, and he rubs at it a little. Honesty, it seems, isn't as easy as it should be when you're in love.

"Thank you," Liam says, and the hurt eases, just a little. "I know...Jeremy has a way about him. I know it's hard to resist him." _I tried for a couple of years._

"If it helps," Orlando says, quietly, his anger gone for now. "I feel miserable on so many levels that I don't know where to start."

"That doesn't help me, Orlando," Liam sighs, "I'm not Jeremy."

"What does that mean?" Orlando asks, confused.

"It means that I'm not going to feel better about this just because you're torn up. I'm not an emotional sadist; that's why I warned you." Liam lets out a self-deprecating laugh at that. "That, and the fact that I knew it would bug me like hell to know you'd been with him." The smile, false as it is, falls away.

"I just meant that maybe it would make you feel better about _me_ if you knew that I'm beating myself up a lot over this," Orlando says. _Great, now I sound like it's all about me again. Then again ... right now, it is. All about me fucking this up._

"I think..." Liam sighs and rubs his eyes with his fingertips. "There's no sense in you beating yourself up for it. It's done, now. We just have to decide how to go on from here." _Or if._

A huge feeling of relief comes over Orlando and he realizes yet again how worried he was that Liam would just tell him it was over. "Just tell me what I can do to fix this," he says, the words all but tumbling out of his mouth. "Anything, I'll do anything." He doesn't care if that makes him sound desperate. _Hell I **am** desperate here._

There's something so good and so painful in that, and Liam sighs heavily, trying to ease the tension in his chest. "Are you sure this is something you want?" he asks. Liam isn't even certain this is about him; he's afraid Orlando is having some sort of internal power struggle with himself.

"Which something?" Orlando asks. "I want you and I want what we have and I'm an idiot and I fucked things up and ... God, I love you so much and I don't know what to do about it."

Startled, Liam pulls in a sharp breath. "Oh...Orlando." It explains so much, whether or not Orli realizes it. _God, I've been an arse,_ he sighs to himself.

Orlando's not sure what Liam's tone of voice means, and he's not sure if Liam's going to say anything more. "Have I ... have I fucked things up beyond repair?" he finally says.

"No, Orlando," Liam says gently. "You haven't. This will pass. I wish I were there, though. I want to hold you." God, does he. He almost aches with it.

And that does it, Orlando bites his lip, trying desperately to swallow around the lump in his throat. _I'm not gonna fucking cry over this, for fuck's sake. I'm not a stupid kid any more._ But deep down he wonders if that's all he is. _A stupid kid and a whore to boot, what a great combination._

"I wish you were too," he says, his voice wavering in spite of himself. "I don't know what to do."

"Here's what I want you to do, boy," Liam says, his voice still gentle but a bit firmer now. "When we hang up the phone, I want you to strip down. Then you kneel on the floor and put your forehead down. Put your hands together behind your back. And you stay that way. You think about what you've done, and you think about whether you're going to do anything like that again. You think about what kind of rules you need me to place on you." He softens his tone a bit and falters, and then decides that whether or not this is safe right now, whether or not this will last...Orlando needs this, and there's a bigger risk in leaving it unsaid than putting it out between them. "And you think about the fact that I'm in love with you, too, boy, and I won't let you hurt me like this again."

"Oh God," Orlando says, not really parsing the instructions right away. "God, I'm so sorry." It's not the brightest thing to say after a declaration of love and he feels his face get hot. "I mean I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"I know, Orlando," Liam says softly. "Just do what I told you to. I'll call back in an hour. We'll talk about it then. And I will be seeing you soon, at any rate."

"Yes, Sir," Orlando says. "Thank you."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Liam rings back an hour later exactly. Too soon, and it's misplaced lenience. Too late, and it's the arbitrary extension of punishment Liam hated Jeremy for.

At first Orlando had been jittery, sneaking glances at the clock on the bedside table that he could just see if he craned his neck a lot. But then he'd realized that was just fudging the rules again, obeying the letter but not the spirit of the rule, and he calmed down, closing his eyes and concentrating on the things Liam wanted him to think about.

By the time the Liam's ring tone -- the Star Wars theme, something he's never told Liam -- startles him out of his thoughts, he's dealt with so many emotions that he feels a little mentally dizzy. Kneeling up carefully to make sure he doesn't get dizzy in a more physical way, he reaches for the phone, remaining on his knees as he answers it.

"Sir."

"You can get up now, boy," Liam says, sure somehow that Orlando is still down on the floor. "Your punishment is over. Sit on the bed, cover up, and tell me what you're thinking."

"Yes, Sir," Orlando says, moving slowly to the bed. He's a little stiff, but not unduly so, but it's nice to slide under the covers. Once settled he thinks of Liam's second order and he swallows hard. "It's hard to explain what I was thinking, Sir, but I'll try."

"It wasn't meant to be easy, Orlando," Liam says, "but do the best you can." In all honesty, he's proud of Orlando already. He told the truth when there was no way it would have come out anything but ugly, and that takes a bit of courage.

"I spent some time thinking about you loving me," Orlando admits. "I ... it's really hard for me because I've never felt like this before about anyone, never thought about being with someone ... well forever." He pauses for a moment to wet dry lips. "And it made me realized that it scared me. Being in love with you. 'Cause I didn't know if you loved me, or if you did, what it meant. And I think that's part of it. I was afraid." He's not sure if Liam will understand, hell he doesn't understand, but Liam wanted to know and so Orlando will tell him.

"I thought that was at least part of it," Liam nods. "Love makes us do things we wouldn't normally do. So does fear." _Time to own up,_ he prods himself, and sighs. "I was afraid, too, Orlando."

"You were, Sir?" Orlando asks, surprised.

"If I had known you felt the way you do, I might have reacted a bit better, honestly. But I thought that if you could do that, go with him that way, there wasn't enough between us. Maybe I should've told you sooner; maybe then you wouldn't have." He laughs brusquely at himself.

"Please, Sir," Orlando says, worried. "It's not your fault."

"No," Liam agrees easily enough, "But I'm thinking there were things that we might have done together to prevent any of this happening." He smiles a bit and murmurs, "Relationships take two people, Orlando, and I'm not sure either of us handled that bit very well."

"Maybe it's that we didn't expect it, Sir," Orlando says. He pauses, not wanting to bring up some of the other things he thought about. "Sir? Are you ... are you seeing anyone? Now I mean?"

_Ahh._ Now it makes real sense, all of it. "No, Orlando," Liam says seriously. "I'm not seeing anyone. I would tell you if I intended to spend any time beyond dinner out with a castmate, but I'm not interested in seeing anyone right now."

"I didn't know, and I was afraid to ask and...." Orlando pauses. "Jeremy said you did. I didn't want to believe him, Sir," he adds feeling miserable.

"Jeremy remembers that I used to see other men during a time when I had a boy collared to me. What he doesn't know is that that boy was aware of who I was seeing, what we were doing, and when. I would never have done it if that boy hadn't been comfortable with it. And I would never so much as kiss someone without already having told you there was sexual tension there." Liam sighs. "Jeremy, of course, would never have told you I have a heavy full-disclosure kink; that's not any fun at all."

"It's just ... you were speaking really highly of Christian and I ... fuck it, I'm an idiot, Sir," Orlando says. The fact of the matter is that, when Orlando looks back over to everything Liam said about Christian there's nothing that could have led Orlando to the conclusion he drew. "It's just ... I've never been jealous. Never really understood people who were, really."

"Let me tell you something about Christian," Liam says conversationally. "He's a lovely man. Brilliant actor. Very serious about the role, you know, and God. The man can drink. And he's as gay as the day is long, let me tell you, and d'you know what else?"

"What else, Sir?" Orlando says, desperately wishing Liam had said Bale was straight.

"He has a boy." Liam lets that sink in a moment before he goes on. "You might know of him. His name's Jon. Rhys-Meyers? Did _Velvet Goldmine_ with Christian. In _1997._"

"Oh," Orlando says. "A boy like you have a boy, like me? Or just a boyfriend?" Orlando knows _Velvet Goldmine_ of course, what gay actor his age doesn't?

"He has a boy like I have a boy," Liam says calmly. "I worked with Jon before he did _Velvet Goldmine._ We were on _Michael Collins_ together; remember the assassin? At any rate, Jonny was looking for something very specific back then, and he was too young even for my taste." Again, there's that self-deprecating chuckle. "But he found it in Christian--and they're exclusive."

"OK now I feel even more stupid," Orlando says, sighing. "I'm ... I don't know that I'm worth your time, Sir."

"Orlando," Liam says, not meaning for it to come out sharply but feeling a kind of desperation he normally isn't given to. "If it were anyone else talking about you that way, I'd be lining up to beat his arse, and I don't mean in a way he'd like, now stop it." He softens his words and adds, "If you weren't worth my time, I'd never have let myself get to love you, boy."

"I love you too, Sir," Orlando says. "Love _you_, Liam. I'm sorry that scared me so much. God, so sorry."

"Orlando, it's frightening--and this is serious." Liam sighs heavily, thinking about his schedule. "God, it's bloody _forever_ till I can get down there. Are you alright? Are you going to be able to work with Jeremy like this, now?" He has no idea what he'd do if that weren't possible, but he has to ask.

"Oh I can work with him," Orlando says, shrugging slightly. "You're not always gonna like everyone you work with." He laughs a little. "And I can hang with Marton, he's a friend. A very straight friend.

"That's it, then," Liam says. "Just avoid him as much as you can. He might try to talk to you, Orlando." He firms up his tone again. "Just don't allow it."

"As much as it's possible, Sir," Orlando says. "And certainly not away from the set."

"I don't mean chatting about the roles in a professional sense. If he tries to convince you he was only arsing around--Jeremy's notorious for that, Orlando, for saying he was only fooling."

"You mean that after half fucking me," Orlando says hotly, "calling me a faithless _whore_ and kicking me out like I was some puppy who'd piddled on the rug, he really thinks that I'd let him fucking touch me again?!"

"Yes," Liam says, very quietly but without hesitation. "That's exactly what he thinks, and he's got a precedent."

"I'm young and dumb," Orlando says, "but I'm not that young or that dumb." He takes a few deep breaths, calming himself down. "And even if I thought he was truly apologetic, I wouldn't do it because I don't want him. I want you, Sir. Just you."

"I was thirty-three," Liam says quietly, "when he pulled me in. I set the precedent, Orlando." And he pulls in a breath himself, shaking his head to clear it and scrubbing hard at his eyes. "I want you, too, boy. Just you. So let's just say, then, that we're together, and no one else is to get in the way of that, hm? D'you want to be exclusive to me, boy?" And even now, Liam has to wonder if he's using this as a smokescreen to his own stupidity.

"Even when I was there with him," Orlando says, "I kept comparing him to you and thinking 'well he's not Liam, but then no one else is.' So yes, I don't really want anyone else."

Grateful beyond words, Liam sighs and nods to himself. "That's fine, then. No one else, boy, for either of us."

"Yes, Sir," Orlando thinks, wondering what the hell Bean's going to say about this. "Sean'll be amused, I think and Viggo will say something I won't really understand about commitment."

"They can be amused," Liam growls, "and say whatever the fuck they please. I'll do with this as my boy and I want."

"Yes, Sir," Orlando says with a little shiver. "Your boy ... I love hearing that."

"That's good. If I have my way, you'll be hearing it a long, long time."

"Yes Sir," Orlando. "Um ... you said you wanted me to think about rules tonight...."

"Yes." Liam has been so caught up in the idea of his boy, _truly_ his boy, exclusive, that he forgot about the other things he laid out for that hour. "What did you come up with, then?"

"Um ... I had one idea, Sir." Orlando admits, hoping Liam won't think it's stupid. "I think my problem is that I know so little about how this works. Could you maybe ... I don't know, give me lessons? Like assignments or something?"

"I can give you assignments," Liam allows. He considers that a moment and then nods to himself. "Your first one is to find a place on yourself to mark for me. And however you do it--a bite, suction, a bit of a burn--you keep it there, constantly. You're to check it every night before you sleep, and if it's fading, you mark it again. Clear?"

"Yes, Sir," Orlando says after a moment spent catching his breath. "I would love doing that for you."

"For now, that's enough. We can talk more tomorrow night. You do that tonight before bed and then tell me how you feel about it tomorrow."

"Please Sir," Orlando says, feeling a little greedy at asking for something after all this. "May I ask a small favor?"

"What's that, boy?"

"Please Sir, will you stay on and listen to me?" Orlando asks, feeling his face go a little hot. "Please? I want you to hear me hurting for you."

Liam makes an involuntary noise at the sheer heat of that plea. "Alright, boy," he says, and his voice comes out a bit hoarse. "Do it now."

Juggling things until he has the phone in the right hand, Orlando holds it close to his mouth as he bends his head and nuzzles the inside of his arm. "Right here, sir," he murmurs. "Right on the inside of my upper arm...." His voice trails off as he opens his mouth and sucks in a bit of skin. Still sucking hard, he bites down, unable to help moaning as his teeth dig into his flesh.

"God," Liam groans. "Good boy." He licks his lips, wishing he could be the one biting Orlando himself. "Does it hurt?" It sounds like a ridiculous question, but he wants to hear Orlando say it.

"Mmmm hmmm," Orlando says, biting down harder. It hurts like fuck, but he's gone on the idea of it, the sheer eroticism of hurting himself just because Liam told him too. Finally he lifts his head, staring down at the mark -- a nicely purple bite mark that will still be there in the morning.   
"Hurt a lot, Sir, he says breathlessly, not surprised to discover that he's hard again. He presses on the bruise experimentally and hisses. "It hurts when I touch it Sir."

"You'll be playing with it all day tomorrow, won't you, boy?" Liam murmurs fondly. "God, I _do_ love you."

"I love you too, Sir," Orlando replies. "And yeah, you know me pretty well. " He hesitates, thinking of asking for an orgasm, but then doesn't follow through. _I don't really think I deserve it._

Liam's hard, as well, and as he reaches almost absently for his cock, he considers Orlando. "Are you hard, boy?" he asks softly.

"Yes, Sir," Orlando says, knowing better than to tell Liam his thought of a moment ago. _It's not my place to decide what I deserve._

"You had an orgasm with me earlier tonight," Liam tells him, "and you're not going to have another one." He pauses. "You know why. We've been through enough tonight; that will be the only punishment: no orgasm until the next time we speak. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir,' Orlando replies. "Thank you, sir," he adds, his voice sincere. "Please, I need to tell you something I realized just now." He knows it sounds like a ply to keep Liam on the line, but he honestly feels as if the proverbial light bulb just went off over his head.

"Go ahead."

"Sir, I think I need you to be strict with me," Orlando says. "Now, while I'm learning. Because ... well I've always been about pushing lines. And I don't _want_ to do that here; it's just habit. And," he swallows hard and goes on. "It's a habit I'd like to be trained out of so I don't upset or anger or hurt you."

"I will then, boy," Liam nods. "Thank you for being honest." And it's entirely possible he'd be too lenient, too; life after Jeremy has taught him he tends toward that.

"Thank you, Sir," Orlando says. Now he's trying to think of something that will stall the inevitable end of the phone call, but the truth is; he's tired and he'll have to face Jeremy in the morning.

"I'll call you tomorrow night, Orlando," Liam murmurs, "and check on that mark. Sleep well." This was harrowing tonight, and Liam knows that after the tension and the release of it, he, for one, will sleep very well.

"You Too, Sir," Orlando says. "I love you."

"I love you, boy. Goodnight." And Liam rings off, knowing if he finds another way to postpone it, he will, and they'll be listening to each other sleep at international telephone rates. He resolves to work up a list of rules tomorrow, something concrete that Orlando can go by. For now, he thinks he'll bring himself off again, thinking of his boy.

tbc


End file.
